Monthly Archives: April 2007

writing

04/30/2007 – heartbeats – (c)

04/30/2007 – heartbeats – (c)

Soft and glowing,
the moon shines down
On both of us,
where are we now?

How do I tell my heart not to beat, to struggle, to doubt? Blood, flows like thoughts from the pen. Tip dipped in the ink of lives on a path, that pour, out onto this frail tenuous existence, their stories. Etched into mutable and vain beliefs that it was all lived for a greater purpose, a higher reason, than just because.
The beating of this heart goes on. Strong and defiant. Against the doubt of this. Is what I feel, think, understand, believe, real? Reciprocated? What can I learn from this heart that refuses to stop. Beating on. Marking time in the chest.
The struggle to come to terms with the reality of this moment, and all those before. Whose sincerity could have been one sided. Fighting doubt and the need to know, to feel, to hold that which must be freely given. And to take it prisoner to my insecurities, which stand guard over this tender heart. And struggling to let go of all this, with the realization that a feeling does not need to be reciprocated to be genuine. And balance the fact that no matter how important the things you say, they don’t matter at all.
Doubting with each beat, that I understand, that I have the strength, and that you are real. What can I know? How can I perceive, and break down this reality, but with the lenses I’ve honed over time, and experience. Broken down with strength of will and character and love and passion. How can I possibly believe in the random, perfect, confusing, deliberation, that I have found centered around the pieces of something that add up to a journey much greater than the sum of the steps taken to arrive at this moment together.
What do we see in this moment? These moments? When we are separately together. Do we both see the sunbeams reflecting off rainbows? That are the gifts of smiles from one to another. Whose perfect simplicity could part the clouds of confusion and disbelief, that could be suspended on the backs of these rainbows out of touch from us, leaving just that light to guide, the beating of hearts to keep time, and simplicity bought from confusion to show us this moment. Free from doubt, confusion, desperation, and greed.

Optimization WordPress Plugins & Solutions by W3 EDGE