Monthly Archives: January 2007

writing

01/23/2007 – Justin – (c)

01/23/2007 – Justin – (c)

Heartbeats, racing. Chest tight. Everything slows down to a crawl before stopping outside of my gaze into your eyes. No sound, no motion can penetrate this moment, here with you. I’m shaking, my hands are numb. The only thing that seems real is you, sitting there before me. Smiling over at me, returning my heart to its frantic rhythm.
If only I had the words, the vocabulary and grammar to describe this feeling. To share with you how I sense the world in your presence. How things seem to shift and even through this massive dose of adrenaline I am calm and peaceful. Simply sitting, watching you smile, seeing your face, holding your hands.
What words can speak the truth of this moment, the depth of this feeling? How can we communicate when language and grammar don’t seem to fit? Shall we create a set of words specific to this, that are both emotion and reality? Or would that even work, here in a world where compliments are cheap and meaningless. And bounce off the walls we build even while we try to take the hammer to the bricks of our prisons.
There is only one word that can be used to describe you. One label that will ever fit, that could ever contain all that I know, all that I feel, all that I understand about you. These few letters, how can they be close to enough to fulfill the requirements of expression? To do justice to the exchange of thought from me to you? To properly convey the complexity of such a simple thing?
This seems to defy understanding to me. One who always has words easily converted from thought. How such a simple thing can encompass all of this. And bridge the gap between us, this silence we try to cross. How can I use that one word, fill it with all of my thoughts and give it to you so that you may understand. So that you can clearly see my thoughts, through an unclouded window into my soul.
That one word.
That one label.
Your name.
Justin

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