Monthly Archives: November 2006

writing

11/02/2006 – Truth (c)

11/02/2006 – Truth (c)

You must be the first to make the choice, to decide. Inside of me is a secret. Do you see its existence in my soul? Can you fathom the deptHs of discovery this thing, this secret, has drowned me in? Waves of joy, waves of regret, all of these things I will never forget. This change in me from who I was, is rooted in the story I would tell, the tale of pain, punishing purely, perfectly, as fire and ice creating gemstones of the gritty and grotesque to shine silver soliloquies of the beautifully human. All of this knowledge, and the path of redemption, I would willingly divulge. I would pour my soul out from the depths of myself into the chalice of your judgments of forgiveness, understanding, hatred, and disgust. All in equal measure for you to weigh and balance according to your own understanding of the tragically flawed and painfully beautiful. There is nothing I would reserve, no drop I would squander in filling your capacity to understand.
If only you would ask.
But you must decide, the choice is yours. For even with this knowledge, your ability to hear it will not change. Unless you first prepare yourself to break out of your cocoon and walk purposefully into the fear of the unknown. Through the forges of lifes lessons, allowing yourself to be changed by your own understanding of the paths we’ve chosen.
My secret sits here on the table between us. Real and powerful. Yet, still powerless to change the past. The future is the only thing unwritten and unknown, unknowable. In this box is such a thing as can break lesser men than you and I. Pandora knew this better than anyone since. She knew the power of truth to destroy men and nations. Destroy the foundations of their fantasy world of expectations build on tidal shores by sands of egocentric demands that the world be of your vision.
She sits here with us, waiting. Watching to see if you have the courage and fearlessness to accept the truths you have the keys to unlock.
Didn’t you know? You were given the keys to this box of truth and past. Do you remember the moment you were tossed the keys offhandedly? You caught them, this I know, though I was not there. Yet you explained them away. You buried them in the lies of another. The lies, that as half truths, told a more complete story than they were created to tell.
Do you have in you the strength to open this box and let free the truths it contains? Do you have the vision to see the changes wrought in me? This flawed, fearless soul, who would bleed his truth upon you? And do you have a clear enough understanding of your path through the charred remains of what you believed, to see the clear horizons of what was always there? Can you accept, as I have, that the price of such secrets can be paid back in the growth of two souls who have marked time, tiptoeing along, blindly until they reached the beginning of their individual journeys, from the end of their shared past?
One you open this box, will you finally be able to see the shades of gray among which I live, surrounded by the black and white outlines drawn around me?
Is there understanding enough for you to see that there can be no regret of remorse, as they were burned away in the creation of the man you now see across the table? Bleeding his soul from bared honesty with himself, and now with you.
The burden now falls on your shoulders. I can help you along parts of the journey from here, as I have had to walk among the ruins of my own past self.
Now that you see me completely, with nothing hidden from you, with all of my flaws and frailties exposed.
Are you glad you chose the truth?

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