Monthly Archives: March 2004

writing

~03/11/2004 – untitled (writing exercise) (c)

~03/11/2004 – untitled (writing exercise) (c)

Three o’clock in the morning (it’s quiet)
and there’s no one around

Just the bang (and the clatter)
as an angel hits the ground.

When you get as far down as you can go, what do you do then? Is it as simple as you make it out to be? Do you succumb to the glamour of it, or do you fight to be changed? Redemption is an amazing thing don’t you think?

Stories about an empty heart searching always got to me. Something about them seemed to zone in on me and say, “Hey you. Don’t you see this? This could be you!” Of course it wasn’t the stories saying that, it was me. In a daydream where everyone is happy and has the perfect life, you wonder where reality is. It isn’t in the daydream. It isn’t in the stories. It’s right in front of you. In the cup of coffee that sits getting cold, in a empty diner. It’s passing by right in front of you. Outside of the fog of the surrealistic dreams you’ve painted over your eyes.

I sat there for so long. In that empty diner, with my cold cup of coffee. How long did it take me to realize that the diner wasn’t empty? No, the diner wasn’t empty, there were people all around. Talking, laughing, being a part of this mystery called life. They were just out of reach, out in the fog. So many things go through your head when you contemplate insanity. The walls of your life become unbearable. The limits that you placed on yourself, become like tight blankets smothering you to your bed. And, like a dying angel, it hits you.

Each step of your life was a step you made on your own. No choices were made without your approval. Funny really, how easily you gave in to it all. One moment you’re the king of your destiny, in charge and commanding life to bend to your wishes. And the waves just start crashing over you before you realize that you don’t know where you are. Crushing water surrounds you black and empty. Echoes of your past receding back and leaving only the damp emptiness of a waterlogged corpse.

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